As a conservative homeschooler I’ve witnessed firsthand some startling situations that are bound to cause many problems in the area of relationships. And no, I’m not only speaking of an “official” relationship between a guy and girl with the intention of getting married, though these relationships are included. I’m talking about the relationships we have with everyone around us!
One big factor in the problem is communication. In an attempt to escape the bad results of the modern dating system, a large number of conservative homeschoolers seem to have swung to the opposite end of the spectrum at which point guys and girls become almost afraid to even talk to each other! They might deny this but it’s true, none the less!
In my experience, I think it has caused huge problems in my life. There was a time was I was almost afraid to talk to boys. Now I’ve gotten mostly over that but still in my mind there is the concern that “What if they think I’m flirting?” “Do I like being with him too much?” Some of this could be normal but from things I’ve seen, I sincerely believe that a good portion of this could come from avoiding the company of guys before. While no one ever necessarily told me that it was wrong to talk to and hang out with guys it seemed to be implied. An unspoken rule of sorts. Not in my family, by any means! But in one of the main circles my family ran in.
The teachings of emotional purity are good but if you take them to so far that you avoid any sort of real, healthy friendship with someone of the opposite gender then these teachings tend to do more harm than good. How do you expect anyone to get married if men and women never talk and interact together? A guy and girl aren’t suddenly comfortable around each other when they decide they might want to get married if they’ve spent the previous years of their lives hardly speaking to someone of the other gender at all! Communication is necessary when it comes to marriage relationships. In the first place, a guy and girl need to have some reason to be interested. In some cases they might not ever talk but in most cases conversation and activities in which they two in question are able to see the other are needed for them to even wonder if he/she might be the right one. But when two people don’t even know how to relate to someone of the opposite gender, how do you expect them to suddenly be able to get to know a person well enough to be willing to spend the rest of their lives together?
In giving instructions on how to relate to those around him, Paul tells Timothy (1 Timothy 5) to “treat the younger [women] as sisters, with all purity.” So why aren’t we doing this? I know it is different. I don’t treat my guy friends just like I would one of my biological brothers. I don’t know them as well, see them as often or anything like that! But is this any reason to treat them like someone just a little more than a stranger? I would say not!
Paul said to treat young women as sisters, with ALL PURITY, but that’s not saying a young man and young woman can’t be friends. The word “purity” in this sense means “cleanliness” and “chastity.” I see nothing there about refraining from being friends with a person. Trust me, you can be friends with some one of the opposite gender without becoming emotionally impure; it IS possible!
I don’t know about you but if I were to see a brother and sister so distant that their conversations consist of something along the lines of “Hi, how are you? Fine. Isn’t this weather great?” I would automatically wonder what is wrong. So why is this how we treat our brothers in Christ?
One main theme that runs through the Bible is love.
When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus responded, “Thou shalt love Yahweh thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
The second greatest of God’s commandments is to love your neighbor as yourself! Are we loving all those around us when we practically avoid some just because they happen to be of a different gender?
“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)
Webster’s 1828 Dictionary contains several definitions of the word “friend,” the most dominant being “One who is attracted to another by affection; one who entertains for another sentiments of esteem, one who entertains for another sentiments of esteem, respect and affection, which lead him to desire his company, and to seek to promote his happiness and prosperity.” Wait a minute! What was that word? Affection?
Affection: a settled good will, love or zealous attachment.
Does this mean that to be friends with someone we have to LOVE them? Even when dealing with someone of the opposite gender?
“This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you.” (John 15:12)
“These things I command you, that ye love one another.” (John 15:17)
“Be ye kindly affectioned one to another with brother love; in honor preferring one another." (Romans 12:10)
“Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.” (1 Peter 2:17)
The only thing I can say here is, how DARE we try not to love someone, just because they happen to be of a different gender!
“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8 )
Love! God is love! Jesus commands us to love one another! Nowhere in the Scriptures do you find anything that says men love other men, or women, treat the women around you with love, to the exclusion of all others! No! We are told to love everyone; there is no distinction between men and women in this matter. We are to love everyone around us as we love ourselves!
How is that we fear to go any deeper than common-place pleasantries?
As Christian we are knit together as the family of Yahweh. We are brothers and sisters in Him. As such we ought to love, respect and encourage everyone around us. Instead of generally avoiding conversation with a person of the opposite gender (in my case, young men) we should talk to them, listen to them and encourage them to walk with the Lord! I can’t begin to tell how good it is to know that I have friends, guy or girl, who are behind me, caring for me, cheering me on in the things I undertake. People who take time to listen when I need someone to talk to, who urge me to keep trying, and who are confident that I will succeed.
I thank God that my parents have raised me to love people for themselves, not what doctrines they hold, what background they have, and NOT their gender! People need love and encouragement whether they be male or female. And who better to give this than those of us whom God has placed around them?
In writing a story a good author brings characters in for a REASON, to play a real and important part in the plot, whether the part be large or small, it still has a reason. God is writing a story with your life, and everyone who enters your life is there for a purpose. They may be only a worker at Wal-Mart, a stranger passing on the street, or your closest friend. Who ever it may be, your treatment of them could change their life forever!
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. “ (John 13:34-35)
Love everyone around you! Some you may never see again, some you will know for the rest of your life. Even if it is just a simple smile as you pass in the aisle while shopping, that smile could brighten a person’s day, week month or even their whole life! It shows that someone really does care and is a picture of Christ’s greater love for the entire world!
2 comments:
Great post! I agree with what you're saying, and have seen it too – somewhat in my own life (when I was younger), in fact.
oh My!! I can relate to not knowing how to talk to boys!! That took me forever to learn and I still have trouble at times :) Loved your post!!
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