When you teach your child to "be good" and obey the Bible but they do it without understanding the relational aspects of being good (we cannot be good" without Jesus Christ. We can never be good enough. Christ's love and grace is what saves us, not being good), not only are you potentially creating a pharisee of sorts, but you also risk putting a wedge in any relationship your child will have, whether with people or with God.
If your child feels that kind of pressure to meet a certain standard on his own, to not mar his reputation (or, heaven forbid, yours) then when the time comes that he is struggling with something, be it pornography, anxiety, anger, etc., he will be afraid to confide in anyone, to ask for help. If anyone finds out no one will look at him the same. Even those closest to him will be hurt and he will completely lose any hope of being seen the same again. He might even be labeled the black sheep of the family. The one who went astray. The one who turned out a failure. And so that child, be he young or old, will go on struggling alone, not even knowing how to confide in Jesus Christ as his sole help and comfort. Alone and helpless when he should be able to lean on God and those God has put around him.
There is a certain level of pride found in anyone where it comes to our reputation, and the reputation of our family. Everyone around us looks like they have it all together so we feel the need to keep up with them.So heaven forbid that we ever admit to struggling with sin, especially the really bad sins. We are all good Christians and the one who fails to live up to our standard is looked down on, albeit unintentionally in many cases.
How has the Church and family become such places of condemnation and pride? Is it any wonder the young people of my generation are growing up and leaving the church? The two places in this world that should be safe, where forgiveness and love should reign, have become the worst places for vulnerability and repentance. Trusting God completely can be hard but it's even harder when you don't have any experience trusting someone with your struggles. Imagine, always having to put your best foot forward, even with those you're safest with. It will affect any and all relationships, whether that be with parents, siblings, spouse, friends or, most importantly, with God himself. The wall is always there, you can never just relax and be vulnerable even when everything inside is screaming out in agony and helplessness.
I'm not saying this as an excuse for not surrendering to God by any means. Thank God that he is so full of grace and love that he sees our struggles and is ready to help us up, to teach us how to trust in him and his protection, no matter the trust issues we might have. But there's not a single one of us that is called to walk the road alone. We are part of the Church for a reason. We are called to love one another, to bear one another's burdens. So please, don't put so much of an emphasis on being good. Christianity is not about being good because on our own we can't. It is about having a love-, faith-based relationship with Jesus Christ and allowing him to change us. And please, be there for your brothers and sisters around you. Let them know that you're there for them, to help them when they need help, to listen without judgement. Because you never know when that person who seems so happy and successful in all aspects of life may be hiding a shattered heart, barely able to stand under whatever battle they may be facing. And without any hope of a brother-in-arms having their back.
photo credit: Daveography.ca Love in the Time of Fringe via photopin (license)
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